Last week I woke up and cried.

Not because something devastating happened—but because I fell asleep while reading and didn’t finish my ten pages for 75 Hard. That meant I was technically supposed to start over… on day 28. And I just couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t.

75 Hard is really hard (I mean like really fu*king hard, guess that’s how it got the name) .

For those who don’t know, 75 Hard is a fitness challenge with these basic (it's a lie, they are anything but basic) rules:

• Do 2-45 minute workouts daily, one that has to be outside.
  
• Drink a gallon of water
  
• Stay on your diet, no cheat days
  
• 10 pages of personal development reading daily
  
• Take 1 progress pic daily
  
• No alcohol
  
  

I took a leap, and just like the first time I did a boudoir shoot, clarity didn’t come from the planning. It came from doing. From the moment I stopped overthinking and just stepped into the thing that scared me.

So yes, while technically I failed the challenge. Life has a funny way of handing you the lesson you actually needed and what I walked away with was worth so much more.
Failing forced me to confront why I wanted this and what my real goals are.

Here’s what I learned about myself:

A gallon of water is too much for me.
But 100 oz? That’s my sweet spot. I never would’ve found that without pushing myself past my old baseline. It’s funny how often we think we “can’t” when really we just haven’t experimented enough with what “best for me” looks like.

A season of readiness matters.
I didn’t fall asleep because I’m lazy, I fell asleep because life has been a lot lately. Big pushes professionally, juggling emotions personally… and trying to build new habits in the middle of all that? It wasn’t realistic. Bandwidth is a real thing. Timing is a real thing.

I already have great habits.
Just because I couldn’t stick to every line item of 75 Hard doesn’t erase the solid routines I have built. Discipline isn’t one-size-fits-all.

I genuinely love fitness.
I love how strong I feel. I love seeing the changes in my body. I love the version of me that emerges when I commit to moving my body with intention.

Self-love is an onion.
Layer after layer, year after year, we peel. We shed old stories. We examine what still hurts. I’m proud of the layers I’ve healed and I’m not ashamed of the ones I’m still working through. The process is the progress.

My body held limiting beliefs I didn’t even realize I had.
I had stereotypes, judgements, insecurities that weren’t mine — they were hand-me-down thoughts from comparison and jealousy. I can forgive myself for that. I can let that go. I can create my own definition of what a “fitness person” looks like… and be it.

You can love yourself and still want to change.
And here’s something I want to say clearly, because I see it come up all the time in my work: you can love yourself and still have fitness or weight goals. In fact, loving yourself makes it easier to stay consistent. When you move from kindness instead of punishment, you keep showing up. That’s where real change compounds. If you move your body in ways you enjoy, everything becomes sustainable.

I’m entering my hot mom era.
And honestly? I’m here for every ounce of it.

I want longevity.
My job is physical. I ski. I’m active. If I want to keep doing the things I love, I have to keep strengthening the thing that carries me. No one else can do that work for me.

How I feel about my body is everything.
If I project “don’t look at me,” the world reflects that back.
If I project confidence, power, softness, sexiness — that’s what comes back too.

And as a photographer… I see this every single day.
Women step in front of my camera and apologize for their stomach, their thighs, their stretch marks… while their partner adores every inch.

So I’ll ask you what I’ve asked them:
If someone loves all of you, what if you let that in?
What if you loved those same parts too?
What if you stopped rejecting your own body long enough to experience what it feels like to be seen through someone else’s eyes?

This also keeps coming up with my clients, especially women: so many of them tell me their partners love all of them—but they struggle to love one part of themselves. So here’s a gentle question. If someone you love already adores your body as it is, what would it feel like to let that in? To soften your rejection of yourself just a little?

It’s okay to feel desired. It’s okay to want to feel sexy. You are not “just” a body, but you do live in one. You can be smart, capable, nurturing, powerful, and still enjoy being seen. Those things don’t cancel each other out.
I love being the object of my husband’s desire. It doesn’t erase my intelligence or strength or motherhood,  it adds to the richness of who I am.

The last few months of the year matter.
As the year winds down, I’ll leave you with this encouragement. You don’t have to do something extreme. You don’t need a rigid challenge. But staying in motion matters. Coasting through the end of the year has left me stuck more times than I can count. Objects in motion stay in motion.

So keep showing up. For your body. Your business. Your boundaries. Whatever your growth edge is right now.

Fail the challenge if you need to. Miss a day. Adjust the plan. Just don’t abandon yourself. Come 2026, the version of you who stayed in motion will look back with gratitude.

So yes, go on with your bad self.

I’m going to keep focusing on fitness and hydration so I can show up for all of you, my clients, my people, the ones who trust me to capture them in their most vulnerable, powerful, intimate forms.

And for now?
I’m letting the reading go.

Those 10 pages can relax…. they’re not the main character right now. I am.